Steel Panther – Heavy Metal Rules

If you record songs like Death to All But Metal or Bukkake Tears and you do it good, you may make it big in music business. Steel Panther does – and releases Heavy Metal Rules on 27th September 2019. The US band grew massively in popularity the last years – so I was looking forward to their latest mixture of hard rock, with a touch of Rock of Ages and Weird Al Yankovic.


Steel Panther – About the Artists

Heavy Metal Rules is the fifth studio album by Steel Panther. The band is from Los Angeles, California, and is doing a mixture of heavy metal, rock and comedy. Thus, all their previous albums topped the US Comedy Charts and also made it to the Top 10 of the US Hard Rock Billboards (only their debut, the 2009 Feel The Steel just placed 14th there). The band has a growing fan base in other countries as well. Their last to albums, the 2014 All You Can Eat and the 2017 one, Lower the Bar, both placed around 15th in Germany. They also have remarkable success in Switzerland, the UK and Australia. Two songs topped the US Comedy singles charts: the 2013 Party Like Tomorrow is the End of the World and She’s Tight (2016). Mutiple of their videos have several million views, like the 2014 Gloryhole:


Steel Panther – Heavy Metal Rules – Track By Track

Heavy Metal Rules contains ten tracks. However, the first one is just an intro. The total playing time is 35 minutes.

(1. Zebraman)

Zebraman is just a spoken intro that Heavy Metal Rules.

2. All I Wanna Do Is Fuck (Myself Tonight)

All I want to do is fuck fuck
Fuck myself tonight
All I wanna do is fuck fuck
Fuck myself till the morning light
All I wanna do is fuck fuck
Fuck myself tonight
All I wanna do is fuck fuck
I can’t resist those sexy leopard tights

Do I need to say more? 🙂 Steel Panther just makes you smile from the very first second of the album. And they do pretty great metal music as well!

3. Let’s Get High Tonight

Let’s Get High Tonight is slightly slower, long tones… and not as catchy as the first track of the album.

4. Always Gonna Be A Ho

Always Gonna Be A Ho is one of the tracks released before the album. A slower track, not really a ballad. I like the chorus and the second part of the song. The beginning is a bit lame to me.

5. I’m Not Your Bitch

I’m Not Your Bitch is very intuitive Steel Panther song writing again. Hard guitars and lyrics you don’t want to explain to your kids – that’s there the Californians are simply at their best!

6. Fuck Everybody

There are not too many bands who write with the following five first verses

Stupid fuckin’ bitch in the fast-lane almost hit my car
Checkin’ her fuckin’ Snapchat on her motherfucking phone
Tried to wave an officer down, he was on Instagram

Fuck Everybody!
Everybody can suck my dick!

And there are likely even fewer who do a great song out of that. Steel Panther does. Apart from the interlude

Went to my local Starbucks
Ordered my usual fare
Double vanilla latte with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles
The dude three people behind me in line
Got his Frappuccino first

every row of the song has at least one bad word. EXPLCIT! 😉

7. Heavy Metal Rules

Here we go, the title track of the album. The ode to the genre is a die hard heavy metal music (with a comparably low level of explicit lyrics) and even some choral-sounding elements. Finally, you learn that Madonna, she’s a dick and that everybody else can suck my fucking dick – otherwise, it just wouldn’t be a Steel Panther song.

8. Sneaky Little Bitch

The track is a nice Steel Panther track again. The melody is good, the lyrics are Steel Panther stuff. There are better tracks on Heavy Metal Rules, though.

9. Gods Of Pussy

Did I just say that there are better tracks on the album? Gods of Pussy is one of them. Very melodic, very Steel Panther, very good!

10. I Ain’t Buying What You’re Selling

The album finishes with accoustic guitars and a ballad – is I Ain’t Buying What You’re Selling some sort of excuse for the mono-themed album Heavy Metal Rules (apart from the title track)? Don’t think so…


Steel Panther – Heavy Metal Rules – My View

Wow… Steel Panther are sometimes a bit too massive – when I wrote down all the lyrics quotes I was a bit afraid that will be blacklisted by some search engines due to adult contents. Like Steel Panther’s previous albums, Heavy Metal Rules is just crazy. But if you do your music like they do, you either have to be good – or it is rubbish (or in Steel Panther language: it sucks). Unfortunately, I feel that just some tracks of Heavy Metal Rules are definitely on the good side – some are not good enough that you can give a good rating to an album that is in fact just nine tracks long and lasts 35 minute. The album starts that brilliant with All I Wanna Do (Is Fuck Myself), but unfortunately none of the songs is close to it.

Of course, Steel Panther is polarizing. I still feel it will be great to see them live on stage. Don’t take them too seriously – and you will have great fun!


Steel Panther – Tour / Events

Steel Panther are first coming to Cologne for a double header weekend (with different support acts). Weekend tickets are sold out already as well as the whole Saturday – but you may grab them on Sunday 10th November 2019.

Sa 9.11.2019 Cologne, Essigfabrik SOLD OUT
So 10.11.2019 Cologne, Essigfabrik


The major part of the European tour takes place in early 2020. Before the Cologne event, Steel Panther play a festival in Oldenburg, but then they are touring Germany, the UK and Scandinavia in January and early February.

Fr 08.11.2019 Oldenburg, Metal Hammer Paradise
Su 26.01.2020 Copenhagen (DK), Amager Bio
Tu 28.01.2020 Berlin, Huxley’s Neue Welt
We 29.01.2020 Munich, Backstage Werk
Sa 01.02.2020 Zurich (CH), Komplex 457
Su 02.02.2020 Utrecht (NL),TivoliVredenburg
Tu 04.02.2020 Antwerp (BE), Trix on Hard Rock and Metal

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