4. September 2026
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Media Review

Personal Trainer – Human Assholes

Florian Buechtingby Florian Buechting

Personal Trainer - Human Assholes

Personal Trainer - Human Assholes
3.9

Rating

 3.9/5

Flyctory.com Pros

  • very versatile, well-written songs
  • Very atmospheric songs

In August 2024, I ran into the album Still Willing by the Dutch band Personal Trainer. About two years later, on 4th September 2026, the release their new studio album. In a very catching way, it is called Human Assholes.

 

Personal Trainer – About The Artists

Personal Trainer is an indie rock band from Amsterdam in the Netherlands. The key member is Willem Smit, who is operating the “collective” with alternating line-ups. The band’s first album was Big Love Blanked in 2022. In addition to the two album releases so far, there have been a few EPs.

 

Personal Trainer – Human Assholes – Track by Track

The fifteen track album lasts 50 minutes.

1. Marvin’s Curtain Up

Writing notes about this track takes longer than the track itself. The Dutch start the album with a 15 second instrumental.

2. Scrambled Egg

Scrambled Egg is a nice breakfast dish – and at Human Assholes, it is the starter for the album. Willem Smit is presenting a rather narrative track, which is driven by the piano and guitars. Despite just being 3:18 minutes long, the song has some nice twists and changes. I really like that virtuous and entertaining touch.

3. Punch Drunk Love

The next song is one of the single releases so far, Punch Drunk Love. The song is significantly slower, especially in the stanzas. Those even are rather melancholic. The song has quite some focus on instrumental parts, like the rather long intro or the bridge.

4. Bone

The melodic Bone is spreading indie-rock vibes. The song does not offer too many virtuous moments, but the chorus is really nice and stays in your mind. Towards the middle of the song, it changes its character a bit from a darker indie-rocker to some psychedelic vibes.

5. Moping

You just cannot state that Smit and his Personal Trainer project is not creative and surprising. For this song, he went for a fast pace driven by the drums. The song itself does not strike too much in my point of view. However, the female backing vocals add a nice pop-ish touch.

6. Places!

Places is another brief, atmospheric interlude.

7. The Burrows

After this brief intermission, Human Assholes presents an epic track. The Burrows is almost five minutes long. It is a very theatrical, dramatic song with altering themes and moods. This leads to a very impressing listen. Towards its end, there is also a rather nice guitar sections, which immediately leads into a fine fade-out.

8. Barely Guillaume

Barely Guillaume starts rather calm and slow. However, the song is also one of longer listens of the album and has quite some nice plot changes. These narrative parts of the album lead to a very interesting listen with Personal Trainer.

9. Hole

With clapping rhythms and a bit of weird folk-style melodies, this fast one adds another very different touch to the album. There are also some surf music vibes as well as surprisingly calm and energetic episodes. Personal Trainer do all of that in less than three minutes. The song is packed, but it does it is somehow fun.

10. Human Assholes

What about having a break after this potpourri of styles? Willem Smit denies that idea and rather goes for the title track. The song is also close to the six minute mark. In fact, Human Assholes feels being split into two parts. The second one is much more experimental and also works with more present synth elements.

11. Rim Shot / Event Horizon

This interlude track is so “long” (27 seconds), it even needs a duplicate title. I am not the biggest fan of these musical snippets, but maybe you enjoy them more than I do.

12. Tempo

Tempo is not that fast. However, the 2;46 minute song is rather brief. While you reflect, whether the brass elements suit to the remaining song, Personal Trainer is already presenting something very different. The track feels being a musical assay of the entire record to me. The happy, easy touch of the melodies lead to an uncomplicated listen.

13. Tyres Skid

The last song of the record which has been released beforehand, is Tyres Slid. In the context of Human Assholes, it is really straight and does not present too may breaks. I like this setting, even though you cannot deny a strongly melancolhic influence.

14. Object Permeance

With being another another almost six minute long track, Object Permanence. Especially the chorus is not made to cheer you up, at least not from its melody. The vocal performance and the mood of the song feel to match really nicely again in here.

15. Letter From A Scentless Realm

The album closes with the Letter From The Scentless Realm. The song reminds me of melancholic, slightly grungy rock songs of the 1990’s. However, Smit and his band manage to give this one a really individual signature.

 

Personal Trainer – Human Assholes – Spotify

Here is the album on Spotify

 

Personal Trainer – Human Assholes – My View

Smit and his Personal Trainer project is no mainstream music. You have to get into it for a while. The more you dig into it, the more you like the versatility, the surprising elements and plots in tier song.

Favorite Song: The Burrows

 

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